The World Is Shrinking...

The world is getting smaller.

When I first came to live with my human, everything in her house was so big... The bed stretched out like an endless plain where fearsome beasts lay in wait. The bookcases towered above me like giant trees. Running around the house was like exploring a vast jungle, full of unknown dangers. And the humans themselves... well, they were so tall... It was enough to make even a brave feline such as myself feel quite nervous, not to mention tiny .


Fortunately I am a fearless Monster, so it did not take me long to start exploring every nook and cranny of the house. Once I had familiarized myself with it, I became quite comfortable with its size. I even began to take for granted that everything in the world was so much bigger than I was.

But as time went by, things started to change around me. I think I was about a year old when I noticed that the world was shrinking.

My favourite hiding place used to be inside the lampshade on my human's desk. I found it soon after I came to live with her, while exploring my new domain. On top of her desk there was a tall lamp with a white lampshade. One day I decided to investigate it. I jumped up onto the stack of CD holders next to the lamp and I looked inside the lampshade. And I discovered a most marvelous thing! With my head inside the lampshade, when I looked around, I was completely surrounded by white fabric. I couldn't see the room anymore! Which meant, of course, that no one could see me, either! How wonderful! What a great hiding place!

After discovering this perfect hidey-hole, I started using it almost every day. I would climb up onto the CD holders, put my head inside the lampshade, and disappear. I could hear my human looking for me, talking to herself: "I wonder where the little monster is... I don't see him anywhere. Here's my desk, here's my lamp, but where is he?" I would hide there under the lampshade, and then, when she least expected it, I would jump out of hiding, run up to her, swat her ankle with my front paw and then run off, with her in hot pursuit.

Then suddenly one evening, I discovered that the CD holders had gotten too small! I tried jumping onto them as usual, but they had shrunk and I couldn't keep my balance on top of them. I dug in my claws trying to hold on, but they toppled right under my paws with a loud clatter, dumping me to the floor and scattering CDs all over (and under) the desk! How upsetting! How undignified! My human seemed to think so too, because she jumped up and ran to the desk, picking up CDs and holders and muttering angrily under her breath, obviously scolding the CD holders for making me fall. She was so mad at the CD holders that she exiled them to the top shelf of a bookcase, where they wouldn't be able to dump me to the floor again.

I was upset that I had lost my hiding place. The lampshade was too high for me to reach without standing on the CD holders. But I discovered that not only had the CD holders shrunk, but the lamp had gotten shorter as well. I was able to reach the lampshade easily, just by standing next to the lamp. How fortunate! I could still use the lampshade to play "hide and pounce" with my human.

Everything was fine for a few more months, until one day I found that the lampshade had shrunk, too! I could not hide my entire head inside anymore! When I stuck my head under the lampshade, I could still see my human! So she would be able to see me, too! I could no longer disappear and attack her when she least expected it. My wonderful hiding place was gone.

It was after this loss that I started to look around me more carefully, and I began to notice that other parts of the house were shrinking too.

My human's entire desk had gotten smaller. I used to be able to take nice long naps there, using her notebooks as a pillow... Then the desk shrank, and so did the notebooks. There wasn't enough room for me to stretch out anymore. My back legs kept falling over the edge and pressing random keys on my human's keyboard, which she didn't seem to like. My tail kept hitting the buttons of her computer mouse (not a real mouse, alas!), which she said was opening windows. I'm not sure what she meant by that - there is only one window in my human's bedroom, and even though she complained that my tail had opened it, I could clearly see that it was still closed...

Next was my carrier. It shrank seemingly overnight. My human tried to put me in it one day, and she couldn't zip up the top. And I wasn't even trying to stop her from closing it! I thought that this at least was one instance where the shrinking of the world had worked to my advantage. If I couldn't fit inside the carrier, she couldn't take me out of the house, which meant no more visits to the evil vet! It was almost worth it to lose my hiding place if I would never again fall into TED's clutches. Unfortunately, instead of leaving well enough alone, my human just went out and got me a new carrier. Extra Large size.

Everything went downhill from there.

I could still fit into my favourite chair... mostly... but only if I left my tail hanging down.










The TV became so small that I could barely keep my balance when standing on it.















The dresser under the window in my human's bedroom shrank to half its original length.














And when had the top of my cat tree become so cramped? Where was I supposed to put my back paws? Not to mention my tail?

Clearly something had to be done, before all my sleeping places and hidey-holes shrank into nothingness. So I took steps. I had heard my human talking about "mind over matter", so I decided to apply this to the shrinking world problem. For hours, I sat on top of my cat tree with my eyes closed, picturing the objects in the room, willing them to stop shrinking. At first, nothing happened. Things kept on getting smaller. But I persevered. And eventually, I started to notice results. At first I just managed to stop the world from getting even smaller. But after 2-3 years of constant effort, I noticed that my willpower had actually reversed some of the shrinking. Not by much, alas. I still can't hide under the lampshade. But I can get into smaller places again - just barely.
My human, of course, is oblivious. She thinks that I can fit into my old carrier again because she put me on a diet. She has no idea that I am keeping the entire world from shrinking, by willpower alone. This requires a lot of energy, which is why I am always hungry and asking her for more food. But does she listen? No, of course not! Humans!